Top 10 Ways You Know You’ve Been in Psychoanalysis Too Long
   
    1.
    Someone says hello and you wonder what they meant by it.
    2.
    It doesn’t feel right to change a light bulb without someone asking you how it feels.
    3.
    You think of yourself less as a person and more as an analysand.
    4.
    You find the thought of a serial killer behind you strangely comforting.
    5.
    You can’t ask your partner if they had an orgasm during sex without using the phrase ‘mutually satisfactory result’.
    6.
    Your self-esteem plummets unless someone tells you you’ve made a real breakthrough this week.
    7.
    You start mistrusting any doctor who tells you they can cure something, or who charges under $300.00 an hour.
    8.
    You divide daily activities into 50 minute blocks.
    9.
    You start to really lose it if you go more than a week without being told you’re just neurotic
    10.
    Someone asks you about the meaning of it all, and you say you’ll get back to them after consulting with your psychiatrist.